All My Rage

Noor pretends to be sick so that Chachu will not be suspicious of her staying home from school, but Chachu, doubting her truthfulness, requires her to work at the liquor shop. While Noor and Chachu are in the shop, Jamie comes in and announces that Noor was suspended, adding, “I hope it doesn’t affect college admissions” (217). Chachu hears Jamie but remains calm for the remainder of the day as customers come and go. Eventually, Chachu drives her home, and as Noor gets in the car, everything inside her screams not to go.

Sal texts Noor repeatedly and stops by her house the day after the fight with Jamie, but he can’t reach her. He hears from Ashlee’s mom that Ashlee is being discharged from the hospital and should be back at school on Monday. Salahudin immediately empties his stash of drugs into his pockets and tells Art he’ll be leaving the drugs at his house and getting out of dealing. At home, Abu tells Salahudin that they need to sell the motel, not just because of the debt they owe but because of the memories of Ama it holds for him. Sal refuses to sell and gets angry at Abu for making decisions after spending the last few years in a drunken stupor. He yells that Abu should have died rather than Ama and storms out. Upon backing the car out of the driveway, he sees Noor.

Chachu is quiet in the car, and when they get home, he asks Noor how many colleges she has applied to. She responds honestly and explains that she saved her money from working in the shop and from Eid to pay for the applications. Chachu’s anger starts to show when she mentions the religious holiday and says Misbah is “lucky she is dead” (224) because he is angry that she encouraged Noor in Islam. Noor yells back, her rage releasing as she defends Auntie Misbah. Noor’s thoughts return to all Chachu did for her by saving her from the earthquake rubble in Pakistan when she was young, but this time, her thoughts mingle with descriptions of Chachu’s physical abuse of her. Chachu punches her stomach, shoves her against the wall, and kicks her on the ground. During the abuse, Noor worries that people at school will be able to see the injuries Chachu is inflicting and will know her secret. She also thinks about how after Chachu saved her in Pakistan, he tried to find a relative who could take her. He screamed and shouted and ranted about how much he did not want to take care of Noor, but there was no one else. As Chachu continues kicking Noor, she gathers her will to survive, and when Chachu turns his back, she throws a brass eagle sculpture at him, grabs her backpack, and runs.

Misbah flashes back to when Salahudin was a toddler. He loved to wander around the motel and play, especially in the laundry room. One day, while Misbah was cleaning a room, she fell asleep on the bed; when she woke, everything had changed. Toufiq found Salahudin in the laundry room; he had been assaulted. The tenant responsible had paid in cash and given a false name. They had brought Salahudin to Dr. Ellis, who said that Salahudin would not remember the assault but that they should watch for signs of the trauma he endured, such as nightmares. Misbah prayed her son would not remember and longed to share her fear with Toufiq. However, Toufiq remained silent and started drinking.

In the present day, Sal gets out of the car and takes in Noor’s physical injuries. She refuses to go to the hospital or see Imam Shafiq and Khadija, asking instead for Salahudin to simply drive. Upon taking Noor’s backpack, Salahudin sees all the items inside and realizes that Noor has always been prepared to run and escape from Chachu. Salahudin drives to Veil Meadows, a mountain area where his family went camping in the past and where his and Noor’s fight took place. They stop to buy snacks and a first aid kit, and as Salahudin treats a cut on Noor’s head, he teaches her his breathing exercise: “Five seconds in. Seven seconds out” (232). They reach Veil Meadows, choose a lush green area to spread out a picnic blanket, and fly a kite. Noor and Salahudin spend the rest of the day talking, listening to music, and looking at the stars when night falls.

Noor leans against Salahudin, and he enjoys her touch. Salahudin kisses Noor’s neck and then pulls back slightly. Noor apologizes for the day of the fight when she said she had feelings for him; she had kissed him without asking permission first, even though she knew how Salahudin felt about physical touch. Now, they kiss deeply, and Salahudin is magnetized by Noor’s touch rather than repelled by it. When they finally pull away, Salahudin opens up, telling Noor he thinks something happened to him that his body remembers, but his brain doesn’t, and that’s why he has strange reactions to people touching him. He hopes that by being vulnerable, Noor will open up about Chachu and share what happened. She talks a little about the “monster” inside of Chachu but blames herself for ruining his life (239). The subject turns to how Salahudin has been paying the bills, but Salahudin denies Noor’s implications that he’s involved with Art and doesn’t tell her about selling drugs.

Salahudin and Noor return to the car, and Salahudin begs her to let him call Imam Shafiq when they get back. Noor reflects on a time when she was eight years old, and the police had come to Chachu’s house. They left after he answered their questions perfectly, and ever since, Noor had come up with various excuses that kept her from telling someone about being abused. As they reach Juniper, Salahudin gets pulled over for speeding. Noor notices that Salahudin is nervous and thinks it must be because of her injuries. She pulls up her hood, hoping the officers won’t notice and think Salahudin is responsible. When the officer steps away for a moment, Salahudin grabs a bag from the glove box and hides it under Noor’s backpack. He also hands a few bottles and baggies to Noor from his pockets and instructs her to put them under her seat. She complies without stopping to look at the items. The officer returns, asks Sal to get out of the car, and searches his pockets. Noor can’t see what they find but realizes they are cuffing and arresting Salahudin. Noor is patted down next, and she refuses to tell the officers who hurt her, saying only that Salahudin is not responsible. Noor soon realizes that the officers found drugs on Salahudin and are searching the car for more, but she can’t imagine that Salahudin could be lying to her.

Sal reflects on his younger years and how he didn’t fit in. The other kids seemed to know he was different and treated him like an outcast. That changed when Noor came to his first-grade classroom. He had asked about a bruise on her arm when he first met her, and they had been inseparable ever since. Noor was Salhudin’s first friend, and now, as Noor realizes that Salahudin has been lying to her and dealing drugs, he knows their friendship will never be the same. Guilt overwhelms him for how much his mistakes will alter Noor’s life.