All My Rage

Police officers take Noor to the county lockup in Friarsfield, California. The woman who takes Noor’s information comments about all the terrorists near Noor’s home country of Pakistan. Noor is taken to a large cell full of women, and as the hours pass, she thinks of Salahudin, who she now calls the Liar. The special closeness they shared at the meadow is now tainted by his lies to her. Noor is taken to an interrogation room and questioned by a man named Brewer. As he asks her questions, Noor feels misjudged; she eventually asks for a lawyer, and Brewer wonders aloud why Noor would throw away what he assumes is a good start in life. Noor feels helpless to explain that she is innocent, thinking Brewer has already made up her mind about her.

When Salahudin calls Abu from jail, he feels ashamed of what Ama would think of him. He is only concerned with getting Noor out of jail and asks Abu to work on helping Noor. When officers escort Salahudin to a holding cell, he is terrified inside but wears his “Resting Killer Face” or RKF (268) as he enters the cell. One man in the cell introduces himself to Sal as Santiago. He has a tattoo on his arm that reads Ecclesiastes 1:14, and he is friendly to Sal, advising him to say nothing to the police. Salahudin is taken to an interrogation room, and Brewer, the same officer who questioned Noor, questions Sal. His questions indicate that he sympathizes with Salahudin and wants to peg Noor as the one supplying the drugs. Brewer encourages Salahudin to be loyal to his father rather than Noor when he makes his plea. Salahudin is taken to a courtroom for arraignment and meets his lawyer, Martin Chan. As the judge reads the charges against Salahudin, the gravity of his actions settles over him for the first time, and it sinks in that he is a criminal. The judge sets Sal’s bail at $25,000, but Sal only worries about Noor. Martin encourages Sal to stop thinking about Noor; he will need to stay away from her to beat the charges against him. It’s possible he could spend eight years in prison.

Noor also goes to a courtroom for arraignment, and Khadija shows up and takes over as Noor’s attorney. When Noor is released, Khadija drives Noor to her and Imam Shafiq’s house, where Noor will be staying. On the drive, Khadija encourages Noor and tells her she will help her fight for her future, but she needs Noor to be honest with her. At the house, Imam Shafiq is watching Crown of Fates, his favorite TV show. He makes her a plate of kadu gosht (lamb and pumpkin), and as they eat, Noor questions religion and her faith in God. Noor wishes her life were easier but knows she can do nothing to erase the reality she lives in.

This flashback reveals Misbah’s memory of the first time Noor’s uncle Riaz brought her to Misbah’s motel. Riaz had insisted he was not Muslim and asked Misbah to refrain from speaking Urdu or Punjabi with Noor. He also wanted Noor only to eat American food rather than Pakistani food. Misbah ignored Riaz’s requests from that day onward. Noor and Salahudin played together well, and each seemed to understand the pain the other child had endured. They adjusted their behavior when they saw it bothered the other person. As Misbah watched them play, she understood that the fortune teller’s prediction about her children had been fulfilled. Salahudin was her son, Noor was her daughter, and the motel was her third child.

Abu bails Salahudin out of prison but starts drinking as soon as Salahudin gets behind the wheel of the car. The next day, Riaz bangs on the motel office door at midnight, looking for Noor. Abu calls Imam Shafiq and Khadija to warn them that Riaz is out looking for Noor, but they don’t answer. Salahudin sneaks out and runs to the Imam’s house, but by the time he arrives, Riaz is already there, talking to Noor as she stands behind Shafiq and Khadija. Salahudin yells at Riaz to stay away from Noor and accuses him of hitting her, although Riaz denies it. Riaz tries to convince Noor to come home, saying she doesn’t have any other options since she didn’t get into UCLA, UVA, or any other schools. However, Noor stands her ground and refuses to leave with Chachu. Once Riaz leaves, Noor turns her attention to Salahudin and says, “You’re worse than him” (289). Salahudin realizes Noor may never forgive him for betraying her trust.

The police took Noor’s phone and computer, so she doesn’t have a way to listen to the music that helps calm her anger. Ashlee visits Noor, delivers her missing schoolwork, and encourages her to return to school. She admits that she overdosed the day before Noor was arrested and that going back to school has been difficult but a helpful distraction. She even offers to help Noor cover her bruises with makeup after guessing that Noor’s uncle had hit her. Brooke also comes and drops off Noor’s clothes and an inexpensive phone and headphones, so Noor has her music back. Living with Khadija and Shafiq shows Noor what she’s been missing her whole life—a loving relationship to look up to and a feeling of family. Khadija pushes Noor to go back to school, saying her future still matters. Furthermore, if Noor graduates with good grades, it could sway the judge during her trial. Noor dreads going back because of what people will say about her, and she doesn’t want to see Salahudin either.

This chapter flashes back to when Misbah was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease. She finally understood why her father hid his illness from her: He didn’t have the words to talk about it. Misbah knew they had no money or insurance for a transplant and worried about what Toufiq, two years sober, would do if he knew how sick she was. Noor, however, noticed signs that Misbah was not well and encouraged her to see a doctor.

Salahudin returns to school just days after his arrest on insistence from his lawyer. Abu remains perpetually drunk at home, and Salahudin misses Noor and worries about her. He sees her at the pretrial, but Martin, his lawyer, instructs him to avoid looking at her. Salahudin learns after the hearing that the DA is offering him a plea deal if he implicates Noor, saying that the DA is going after Noor more heavily than Salahudin.

Meanwhile, Salahudin learns from Ashlee that Noor is back on campus. In English class, Mrs. Michaels asks Salahudin about his progress on the story for the writing contest, but Salahudin still hasn’t written anything. He struggles to find a story for the prompt, which asks for a “fictional story based on a real experience” (303). When Salahudin sees Noor at lunch, he asks if she’s heard from UCLA, but Noor has given up hope since the deadline to accept admission has already passed.

Noor tells Salahudin she plans to take the plea deal from the DA, and amid Noor expressing her anger at Salahudin, Jamie walks by. Jamie makes several racist comments as a crowd gathers, but Noor speaks calmly back to her and eventually walks away. As Salahudin walks home from school, he thinks about how Noor never heard back from UCLA and remembers Riaz shouting that Noor wouldn’t be going to UVA or UCLA. He makes the connection that Noor never told Chachu that she applied to UCLA and thinks that maybe Noor received a letter from the school that Riaz intercepted.

Noor leaves the school campus pulsing with anger at Salahudin after seeing him and being reminded of his betrayal. Mrs. Michaels, Noor’s English teacher, catches up to her in the parking lot and gives her the graded poetry analysis essay Noor submitted, saying it was her “favorite essay this year” (312). Mrs. Michaels encourages Noor not to give up, and Noor thinks of Auntie Misbah’s words as she looks at the A on her essay: “If we are lost, God is like water, finding the unknowable path when we cannot” (312).

Two months after Misbah learned she was sick, Toufiq discovered her condition and started drinking again. Salahudin found his father urinating in the motel pool and learned for the first time of Abu’s drinking problem. Ama tried to convey to Salahudin that he was strong, unlike his father, and that God would give him strength if he asked for it.

Salahudin approaches Art and demands his help breaking into Riaz’s study, threatening to turn Art in to the police if he doesn’t help. He wants Art to look for Noor’s acceptance letter from UCLA, believing that Riaz found it in the mail and concealed it from her. Just as Riaz returns home, Art finds the letter while Salahudin remains hidden in the bushes. They narrowly escape once Riaz realizes someone is in the house.

When Imam Shafiq comes home, he finds Noor watching Crown of Fates and is happy that she’s become addicted to the show like he is. When Khadija gets home, they talk more about the plea deal, and Noor announces that she wants to take it. Salahudin shows up at the front door with Noor’s acceptance letter from UCLA. He isn’t supposed to be near Noor, but Khadija gives him a few minutes to talk to her. As Noor reads the letter, Salahudin explains that Riaz likely changed her account on the UCLA online portal so that she couldn’t see her status. Salahudin encourages Noor not to take the plea deal and to fight for her future. She thinks about forgiving him for a moment, but then her anger returns. She tells Salahudin about Ama’s last word to her—“forgive” (323)—and explains that maybe Ama knew Salahudin would need Noor’s forgiveness. Nevertheless, Noor says he doesn’t deserve her forgiveness and pushes Salahudin away.