Everything I Know About Love

On New Year’s Eve, Alderton and Farly ask their friends if there are any good parties happening so they do not have to sit at Alderton’s mother’s house all night. One friend, Felix, on whom Alderton has a crush, says he is hosting a rave in Cobham. When Alderton and Farly arrive, they see it is not a rave—it is barely even a party. Everyone in attendance is part of a couple except Felix, Farly, and Alderton. The three of them hang out together until midnight. Farly pretends to take a phone call in another room so Alderton and Felix can be alone together. Felix confesses he likes Farly and asks if she is single. Alderton lies, inventing a story about Farly’s long-standing on-off relationship with a man named Dave; when Farly returns, Alderton tells her the fake story so she can play along since Felix is not her type. At midnight, everyone dances together and sings Auld Lang Syne. Farly dances with Felix’s family’s dog, and Alderton and Felix stand off to the side alone.

Lana sends a group email announcing her new project, an evening of spoken word poetry, music, and film called “Lana’s Literary Salon:” She has been working on it for the past two weeks and wants her friends’ support. The event will include India Towler-Baggs reading poetry about her haircut, setting her default web browser, and Zumba classes. A young man named Ollie will read the manifesto for his new political party, “Young Clueless Liberals.” Lana’s own short film, No One Minds That Ulrika Jonsson is an Immigrant, will screen at the end of the evening. After the film, there will be a two-hour interview with Lana about the movie and a collection plate for funding its sequel.

When Alderton turns 21, her first serious boyfriend, Harry, breaks up with her. Not only does he tell her he no longer loves her, but he also says he does not even “fancy” her anymore. Alderton and Harry have dated for a little over a year, and she admits they have been wrong for each other since the beginning. However, Harry wanted to be Alderton’s “first proper boyfriend,” and at 19, she felt that was a good enough reason to date someone. Alderton recalls one occasion where Harry yelled at her for skinny-dipping at a party: “YOU WILL NEVER SHOW ME UP LIKE THAT AGAIN!” (63). After the break-up, Farly stays with Alderton for two weeks. During that time, Alderton experiences heartbreak and overwhelming confusion and finds herself unable to eat. As Alderton loses her appetite, she loses weight, and she now sees her body aligning with what she had been led to believe were the “true qualifications of femininity”: “a smaller waist, hip bones, collarbones, and shoulder blades” (67). Alderton begins regularly fasting, counting calories, and weighing herself daily.

After losing another 15 pounds, she misses a period. Alderton, Sophie, and Farly visit Hicks during Hicks’s extra year at Exeter, and Alderton arranges to see Harry so she can reclaim her possessions from his house. Harry compliments Alderton’s appearance, but she feels dissatisfied with their meeting. Afterwards, Alderton pursues weight loss with even more fervor, and her friends begin confronting her about it. Alderton feels herself “pushing [her] life away” as she becomes “more and more absorbed in a completely false sense of control” (73). Then, she falls in love with a young man named Leo, whom she meets at a “grimy” house party. With Leo’s support, Alderton begins forming healthier habits, but despite her recovery, she feels she will never be totally free from what happened during that time in her life.

Unlike the perspectives Alderton shared from her teenage years, the exploration of what she knows about love at 21 is more focused on sex than love. Alderton explains that men like women who have sex on the first date, show up on their doorsteps in sexy nurse costumes, and smoke hash in their beds. She also writes about the value of faking orgasms and how falling in love with the right man will make one feel centered. Most importantly, in order to be worthy of love, one must be happy with oneself—and in order to be happy with oneself, one must be thin.

In 2008, Alderton’s train to Exeter breaks down just outside Bristol, and it begins snowing outside. Alderton buys a cheap bottle of wine from the buffet carriage and strikes up a conversation with the boy across from her, Hector, who has been trying to catch her gaze all night. Alderton does not exchange contact information with Hector, instead hoping that fate or serendipity will lead them together again. Two years later, after breaking up with Harry, Alderton is in a pub on Portobello Road when Hector walks in. They drink together, and the snowfall makes it impossible for Alderton to take the bus home. Hector flings her “over his shoulder like a Persian rug” and takes her back to his flat (83). Alderton and Hector have sex, and he shows her the charcoal drawings on his wall, each one depicting a different sexual partner from his past. Alderton admires Hector’s “antiquated” belongings and nocturnal existence.

One morning, Alderton accidentally walks into the kitchen naked while Hector’s roommate, Scott, is readying for work. Hector and Alderton argue about the incident; he finds it funny while she does not. Alderton and Scott meet again in the kitchen a few days later. She makes an extra breakfast plate for him as an apology, and she sets him up with Farly. Scott and Farly have their first date on Valentine’s Day, 2010. The date goes better than Alderton expects, as she set them up for a casual fling, and Scott and Farly slowly become more serious about each other. Simultaneously, Alderton grows less enthused with her relationship with Hector. She agrees to keep seeing him so Farly feels comfortable coming to see Scott at their flat so early in the relationship. One night, Alderton sees “the bohemian mess” of Hector’s bedroom for the mess it really is, and she breaks up with him. Scott and Farly assure her that Hector is genuinely heartbroken. Years later, Alderton reads an online article about Hector’s entrepreneurial success and marriage to a Hollywood actress.