Mosquitoland

“So maybe that’s what this will be, Iz: my Book of Reasons. I’ll explain the whys behind my whats, and you can see for yourself how my Reasons stack up.” 

Mim explains why she’s writing letters to her in-utero half-sister Isabel: She wants to provide a list of reasons for why she’s leaving home. Although these letters are written to Isabel, they serve as a way for Mim to think through her thoughts and feelings. Most often, she uses the letters to examine who she is and who she hopes to be. 

“I loved it when she was like that, all young and fun and eager to keep being young and fun, and it didn’t matter what happened the day before or the day after, all that mattered was the Young Fun Now.” 

Mim recalls the first time she and her mom attended the neighborhood Labor’s Day party. Although the party was hosted by strangers, Mim and her mom fit right in because they were all suburban rebels. This idea of the “Young Fun Now” is a mantra that gets repeated throughout the novel, and it describes the quality of being carefree, spontaneous, and happy in the present moment. During Mim’s happiest moments with her mom, she says that Eve is full of the “Young Fun Now” to describe her jovial personality; this mood often contrasts with the moments when Eve is depressed and is in the opposite of this state of mind.

“Writing sort of…rounds off the sharp edges of the brain, you know? […] Either way, you should write. It’s better than succumbing to the madness of the world.” 

Here, Mim’s Aunt Isabel is telling Mim to write because it will help her resist insanity. Due to this quote, it’s presumed that Mim’s letters to “Isabel” are intended for her aunt. However, by the end it’s revealed that Aunt Isabel committed suicide, and Mim was writing letters to her in-utero half-sister all along. 

“Remember the importance of verbally expressing exactly how you feel. Sometimes a thing doesn’t seem real until we say it out loud.” 

This quote is from Dr. Wilson, Mim’s second and least-liked psychiatrist. This idea that something isn’t real until it’s been vocalized is a constant theme throughout the novel. Mim moves through the narrative without specifically naming the trauma in her life. Instead of talking about the trauma that happened with Poncho Man, she keeps it a secret. Instead of talking about Aunt Isabel’s suicide, she strategically doesn’t mention it. She also never tells anyone about her blind right eye. By not naming or talking about these things, Mim hopes that they won’t become real.

“I’ve developed a theory I like to call the Pain Principle. The gist of it is this: pain makes people who they are.” 

Mim believes that pain is what defines and shapes a person; pain is what makes a person genuine and real. The Generics, on the other hand, have never experienced pain and therefore have an emptiness inside them that only pain can fill. This belief makes Mim hold onto her pain like a treasured friend instead of working through it.

“In the grimy mirror, I watch as my dead eye closes. This still freaks me out, as my actual perception is unchanged. The only way I know my bad eye is closed is that my good one sees it shut in the mirror.” 

Mim’s character is defined by duality, and this duality is symbolically reflected in her differing eyes. The pain and trauma that Mim has experienced is like the blind eye in that she chooses not to see or acknowledge the painful parts of her life. Instead, she chooses to view life through the clear eye, namely, her mom. She views her mother as being the one unsullied part of her life, and she sees life more clearly when thinking about her. Once she finally discovers the truth about her mom, it’s like she’s also finally able to see the reality of her bad eye, or the traumas in her life. 

“But now they’re really part of things, part of my life, written in the History of Me.” 

After the Greyhound crash, Mim realizes that she will never forget the other passengers. Normally, the other people on the bus would have been nameless faces that she would have quickly forgotten, but because the crash was such a deeply engrained tragedy, the people on the bus have become just as deeply engrained. This realization provides a commentary on how tragedies bring people together, for better or worse. By the end of the novel, Mim and many good and bad people have come together and will forever be a part of each other’s story.

“I wish I could have known her back then, in her hitchhiking glory days. The Young Fun Now, twenty-four/seven.” 

Mim has a deep nostalgia for her mom’s past, at times assuming it for her own present personality. She thinks of herself and her mom as a single person because she believes that they are completely alike. She idealizes her mom and is therefore blind to the truth about her: that Eve struggles with depression, and the divorce might not have been entirely her dad’s fault.

“I’m shivering now, my bones and blood on full alarm—it’s a primordial instinct, Predator versus Prey, passed down from a thousand generations of women who, like me, feared the inevitable. We’d seen the footage of the hyena and the gazelle, and it always ended the same.”

In this moment, Poncho Man is cornering Mim in the bathroom and attempting to sexually abuse her. Unable to face the reality of the situation, Mim begins imaging herself as a gazelle and Poncho Man as a hyena to escape what’s really happening. By not naming the situation for what it is, she’s hoping it won’t become real

“In this movie of my life, I have scenes and dialogue, rather than experiences and discussions. Instead of friends, a cast; instead of places, a setting.” 

This moment reveals how Mim feels detached from her own life. She admits to having a big imagination, which she often uses to detach herself from people and moments that might cause her pain. Rather than genuinely living her life as a participant, she frequently sees herself as an actress. She does so partially because she’s felt the need to act in her past; her dad constantly treated her like something was wrong with her, even though she never felt like anything was wrong. 

“And with the daring temperament of Alice herself, I climb the guardrail and follow my white rabbit into the trees.” 

After Mim sees a = formation of cracks that resemble a rabbit and then promptly sees Walt, she begins to imagine that she’s on an Alice-in-Wonderland-like journey. Walt is like her white rabbit who seems to initially distract her, but who ultimately shows her the true meaning of her journey. 

“[…] I have to give it to him—this kid has absolutely nothing in the world to call his own, and look how happy he is. No family? No friends? No home? No sweat. Hey, hey, he’s Walt, and he’s alive, and that’s enough. In light of his situation, my problems suddenly seem brazenly adolescent.”

Meeting Walt puts things into perspective for Mim. She becomes aware of how trivial her problems are when compared to Walt’s reality. Even though his problems are much worse, he’s also much happier than she is. Mim’s friendship with Walt leads her to many important moments of self-realization. 

“There are times when talking just pushes out the tears. So I float in silence, watching the final touches of this perfect moonrise, and in a moment of heavenly revelation, it occurs to me that detours are not without purpose.” 

Mim frequently chooses not to talk about the tragedies or problems in her life because she doesn’t want them to become real. Here, however, she acknowledges that another reason for her silence is that she doesn’t want to cry; if she cries, then everything will become too real, and she’ll be forced to deal with it all.

“I’m beginning to wonder if he isn’t my exact opposite: a violent, smoking moron who throws tin cans into nature.” 

Caleb and Mim are dualistic characters. They both suffer from symptoms of psychosis, but their presentations drastically differ. Caleb talks to himself and has violent tendencies, while Mim has a big imagination that influences her perception of reality. When Mim considers their similarities, she wonders if they turned out so differently because they have such contrasting backgrounds: Caleb was beaten by his father and moved throughout different foster homes, while Mim’s parents have always been loving and supportive. 

“He played games and told stories because as he put it, ‘Life is more fictional than fiction.’ He did things his way. And that was good enough for me. And that was good enough for Mom.” 

Mim adored her first psychiatrist, Dr. Makundi, because he didn’t treat her like anything was wrong with her. He treated her like a friend, talking to her and playing games with her. Mim and her mom were united in their affection for Dr. Makundi, but Mim’s dad wasn’t. He thought Mim needed a more serious doctor, which is why he sent her to Dr. Wilson, who would prescribe drugs. This moment illustrates how Mim and her mom have always been on the same side and in opposition to her dad. 

“I don’t know if you read comics, but if you do, you’ll notice there usually isn’t much that separates the villain from the hero. Lonely outcasts, masked identities, troubled childhoods, misunderstood by all—very often, there’s a pivotal scene toward the end (usually during a massive thunderstorm) wherein the villain tries to convince the hero that they’re the same.” 

In this moment, part of a letter Mim writes to Isabel, Mim realizes her likeness to Caleb. She realizes that they are likely very similar people, but with very contrasting backgrounds. This realization makes her more generally consider how there is a very thin line separating heroes and villains. She assumes that Caleb is the villain and she is the hero, but she realizes that had she had a different familial background, she could have easily been the villain, too.

“Opening scenes are funny, because you never know which elements will change over time and which will stay the same. The world was, and is, mad. The rain was, and is, pouring. Looking at Walt, and yes, even Beck, I know one of my elements has definitely changed.” 

Here, Mim reflects on how her journey has taken an unexpected turn. She acknowledges that the physical elements of her journey are the same, but something inside her has changed. She no longer feels alone in life because she finally has what she’s always desired: friendship and true connection with other people.

“My whole world had fallen apart, Isabel, that’s the long and short of it. And no matter where I turned, I got no answers. For a while, I was pissed at my mom. Honestly, I could have survived all of it, even the BREAKING NEWS, if I could’ve counted on that one letter—hollow-sounding or not—per week. Just one.” 

This is the first time that Mim has expressed anger towards her mom. Most often, Mim puts her mom on a high pedestal, but here she admits that things wouldn’t have been so bad for her had her mom just kept in touch. This is the first moment when Mim doesn’t put the blame solely on her dad. 

“It’s an odd feeling, being chagrinned by your own generation. Long ago, I traded my pie-in-the-sky idealism—as it relates to what people are like and what they are interested in—for a more realistic worldview.” 

It’s always been difficult for Mim to make friends, and here she explains why. She finds that her peers hide their uniqueness to fit into the group, making her feel like she’s the only weird and thinking one left. This is one of the reasons that she relates to her mom so much: Without friends, she looks to her mom for friendship because her mom embodies the qualities and artistic sensibilities that Mim finds the most attractive. 

“A love born not of growth, but of change.”

Mim has always thought that true, romantic love wouldn’t happen to her, but she finds herself falling in love with Beck. She decides that this love is unique because it’s been born from change. She defines change as something that happens quickly and unexpectedly, whereas growth is a slow process. Her connection to Beck has developed quickly, but she decides that love couldn’t have happened any other way for her.

“I think about his words at the restaurant, about how I’m trying to figure out home. And he’s right, I am. But it’s not just that. All my life, I’ve been searching for my people, and all my life, I’ve come up empty. At some point, and I don’t know when, I accepted isolation. I curled into a ball and settled for a life of observations and theories, which really isn’t a life at all.” 

Mim admits that for most of her life, she hasn’t really been living. Instead, she’s been an observer in her own life, watching it go by without really participating in it. She’s been searching for a sense of belonging, but with a broken family and no friends, it’s been impossible. Becoming close friends with Walt and Beck has given her a true sense of connection, and she realizes that relationships and genuine connections with other people define life—not pain, like she had previously thought.

“He wraps an arm around me, and I swear we were once a single unit, a supercontinent divided millions of years ago—like my fifth-grade science project—now reunited into some kaleidoscopic New Pangaea.” 

Mim feels complete and at home in Beck’s arms. This feeling is new for her, and she realizes that home isn’t a place but a state of being. Mim no longer feels alone in the world after meeting Beck because they genuinely understand each other. While the Greyhound crash bonded Mim to the other passengers through a tragedy, she and Beck have become bonded by helping each other through difficult moments. 

“It’s a narrow place, where Mom ends and Mim begins. Only a single letter’s difference.”

This moment reveals how Mim believes that she and her mom are inseparably similar. Although Mim often blames her dad for their family falling apart, the most painful part of that change was that she stopped hearing from her mom.