My Family Divided: One Girl's Journey of Home, Loss, and Hope

When Diane’s Mami was sent back to Colombia, she felt lost and constantly distracted. She worried whether the rest of her family would be arrested. When her Mami called home the day after she was arrested, she immediately asked Diane to come back to Colombia with her, putting her in a difficult position. These requests continued even after Diane’s Mami was back in Colombia; each time she would call, she would plead with Diane to go there. Diane always said no, feeling that her life was in the US. Diane’s Papi blamed her Mami for the arrest, believing she was reckless in pursuing an old claim and should have been patient with the other lawyer. Tension rose in the home and Diane was often too upset to eat; she also continued to wonder why God was so angry with her.

Without explaining how, Diane’s Mami came back to the US and the reunion was bittersweet. The family was happy to see her, but equally worried about another arrest. Sure enough, just a week after her return, Diane’s mother was arrested and deported again. Her Papi’s immediate reaction was to move house in an attempt to stay concealed, and Eric left the family for New Jersey. Seventh grade came and Diane was still without her mother. As she entered puberty she found it awkward and painful to approach her father for the practical and emotional help she needed although Papi did his best and Diane was grateful for his efforts. She missed having a mother’s advice. In early 2000, Diane’s Mami came back again, and her Papi was once again nervous and upset at her risk-taking. After a month or so, it seemed like things were returning to normal and Diane moved with her parents into a new house.

Approaching the end of eighth grade meant considering high school. Diane was terrified of the local schools, which were all known for being dangerous. When her guidance counselor suggested Boston Arts Academy, Diane was keen to go. Meanwhile, Eric was stalked and attacked in New Jersey and arrested for defending himself. He was deported almost immediately afterward, leaving Diane and her parents heartbroken. Soon after that, Diane and her Papi discovered that the lawyer Papi had been paying for two years was a fraud and had been taking advantage of immigrants, making false promises of citizenship. He disappeared after taking thousands of dollars from them. Diane started to give up on her dream of seeing her parents become citizens. Her parents, too, seemed to give up trying, fearing another scam.

Diane auditioned for Boston Arts Academy, singing one of her favorite Celine Dion songs in Spanish. She was accepted and felt like her future was in her own hands for the first time. Arriving at the school, Diane already felt at home and was excited to be surrounded by like-minded teens who were creative and curious. She started to realize that her race did not define her potential, although she knew there would be obstacles to overcome. One afternoon, Diane overheard her mother talking about a foreboding dream she had in which she fell into a pond filled with dead fish. She thought it might signify an upcoming downturn in the family’s lives. The same day, Diane’s Papi won $10,000 in the lottery, and her parents were suddenly certain that everything was going to be okay. Her father gave her $50, and Diane went to buy new shoes. When she came home later that day, her parents were gone.

Diane was struck with panic when she came home and found an empty house. Dinner preparations were on the table and her parents’ belongings remained as they would have been on any other day. Diane cried and screamed until an unfriendly neighbor appeared and told her that her parents had been taken and were not coming back. Diane broke down. Diane called Eric’s wife, Gloria, but Gloria felt that involving herself would bring risk to her own family. Diane’s second call was to her best friend Gabriela’s mother, Amelia.

When Amelia arrived, Diane’s Papi called (his only phone call allowed) and told Diane to be strong. He asked Amelia to watch over her, and for Diane to pack a suitcase for each of her parents. Diane found the process of packing for her own parents’ departure excruciating but managed to accomplish it, and then went to Amelia’s house. There, she felt safe, but still terrified and distraught. She determined to stay in Boston so she could continue attending the arts school. Unlike others who had told her to be strong or made false assurances that everything would turn out fine, Gabriela allowed Diane to cry and to feel afraid, which let her feel validated in her emotions.

The next morning, Diane woke up at Amelia’s house feeling lost and with a temporary false hope that everything she experienced was a dream. Realizing it was all real, she felt sick throughout the school day but was afraid to say anything. Nobody from any government branch came to check on her or take her anywhere, which meant she had been left to fend for herself at age 14. She was grateful that Amelia took her in and provided her a safe and secure place to live.

Two weeks later, Diane went to the detention center to see her parents. She visited her Papi first and couldn’t understand how her parents could be kept in such a place. Her Papi looked worn and unshaven, a state Diane had never seen him in before. She was allowed to hug him once only, and he tried to apologize and ask her forgiveness. He also told her many times to be strong, which made Diane feel angry, knowing that no amount of strength could prepare her for this. Visiting her mother was a similar experience, and Diane noted how quickly her mother appeared to have aged. Diane’s Mami apologized and told her to be strong. She suggests to Diane that someone must have tipped off the US Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), leading to her and Papi’s arrest and warns Diane to be careful. Diane couldn’t bear to see her mother in handcuffs and pleaded with the guard to take them off, but he insisted they remain on. Leaving the detention center, Diane saw her mother and several other people taken into a van and driven away. Diane’s worst fears had become reality.