Necessary Roughness

“Mrs. Knutson offered us some Spam sandwiches. At first O-Ma and Abogee declined—no, no, too much trouble; we don’t want to eat up your food—but the third time Mrs. Knutson offered, they pounced. Abogee said to us that Spam is considered a delicacy in Korea. Young gave me a look. We knew Spam was made of rodent parts.”

This interaction shows the intersection between three identities: Mrs. Knutson serves Spam because it’s made locally and widely available in Minnesota, while Abogee remembers it as an imported delicacy, valued for its relative scarcity. The kids, being from LA, think of Spam as a cheap, highly processed food, and Chan regards it with a comically exaggerated disgust. Chan and Young reject both Spam’s connection to Minnesota and its value in their father’s Korean perspective. An important aspect of culture, the author uses food throughout the book to represent how characters interact with their backgrounds.

“How’re you doing, Abogee? The words were sitting right on my tongue, but at the last minute I swallowed them. Abogee would probably get angry if I asked, like I was questioning his authority, his Abogee-ness.”

The central tension of this book is between Chan and Abogee. Throughout the story, Chan offers glimpses of the past of their once-close relationship. This quote highlights the inner conflict Chan feels about his father; he desperately wants to be close to Abogee but avoids a conversation that would do just that because of Abogee’s frequent criticisms. This peek into Chan’s thought processes also emphasizes The Difficulties of Coming of Age, as Chan wrestles with conflicting desires for adult independence and childlike comfort.

“Though I am willing to work hard, I’ll never be a rocket scientist. But doesn’t talent extend beyond things you do with a pencil in your hand?”

Chan reflects on and disagrees with his father’s disdain for athletics. Chan’s athletic inclinations are a source of tension and a representation of the cultural differences between the Korean dad and the Korean American son. Deploying a rhetorical question, Chan decides that regardless of his father’s judgments, his work ethic is a valuable character trait even outside the classroom.

“Kearny really yanked my chain sometimes. I think he knew it and enjoyed doing it, too. He was always chewing out people in public, questioning their manhood, trying to get the larger guys to absolutely flatten the smaller ones. It was all part of what he called the ‘necessary roughness’ of becoming a football player. I thought that was bull.”

This quote highlights the more negative aspects of football that Chan encounters in Iron River—its emphasis on traditional, violent masculinity, embodied by the assistant coach Kearny. “Necessary roughness,” Kearny’s inversion of the concept of “unnecessary roughness,” which describes a type of aggressive foul, becomes the title of the book. Chan makes clear that he disagrees with its necessity, but by making it the title of the book the author emphasizes its impact on Chan’s coming of age.

“Here I was, on a moonlit night, with a girl with awesome black hair. I was close enough to kiss her. I could have kissed her. Well, I’m pretty sure I had the guts to do it. But now it was too late. I had to go. I wanted to kill myself.”

This quote highlights a literary device used often through Chan’s point of view—. The hyperbole provides some humor that captures the emotional highs and lows of adolescence. One moment, Chan is on top of the world talking to Rainy and in the next, he is absolutely crushed.

“His mouth was turned down, like he was on the verge of crying. He almost looked like a little kid who’d lost his favorite stuffed animal.”

Chan uses a simile to compare Abogee to a small child, demonstrating the shift in adolescence when a child begins to see their parents as more than just infallible authority figures. Here, Chan sees his father as just another person who can feel out of control and terrified. This comparison also hints at a belief that showing fear or sadness is childish.

“​​He came up on me like a freight train, arms pumping like pistons. I leaped after him. His knees knocked me in the jaw, but I held on with everything I had. His curses were like music.”

Through a series of similes, Chan describes the events of a football game. Chan’s use of figurative language in describing sports emphasizes the intensity of what he experiences. When Chan is hit, it feels like a freight train, and when the opponent shows weakness, it sounds like music. This quote also demonstrates Chan’s determination on and off the field—despite being attacked in the locker room, despite Rom’s constant taunts, and despite his father’s sharp disapproval, Chan perseveres. His physical strength comes from his strength of character, and both drive Chan’s character arc throughout the book.

“It’s strange how life moves in fits and starts. During the first day at school, minutes passed agonizingly slowly. Now, as we kissed, time was a bullet train hurtling through the black of a tunnel.”

Here, Chan uses metaphor to communicate his intense emotions surrounding his romance with Rainey Scarponi as they kiss at a school dance. It also highlights Chan’s transformation at Iron River High School. He begins his time there ostracized and ignored, barely making it through the day, and eventually finds people who make him feel like he genuinely belongs, making life feel fast-paced and enjoyable.

“For the wildest of moments, I imagined I’d ask Abogee to come to the dinner with me, and he’d say, ‘Son, I’d be proud to. When is it?’ But then I realized that was only an episode of the sitcom in my head, The Lovingly Wacky Kim Family, which had absolutely no bearing on reality.”

Chan imagines an uncomplicated, Americanized, sitcom version of his relationship with Abogee. This daydream includes Chan’s desire for his dad to voice his pride out loud and even call him “son.” Immediately, Chan acknowledges that this version of reality is as real as a corny, scripted sitcom.

“I noticed that his neck no longer filled out his shirt collar, so the tie hung a little low, like a necklace. Abogee also seemed to have grown more white hairs since we’d been here. His hair, raven-black, showed the little white shoots really plainly to the eye.”

Chan uses imagery to describe his dad, demonstrating that he is beginning to see his dad as a real person—he is aging and stressed, changing before his eyes. His physical changes make clear to Chan his dad’s commitment to supporting his family alongside the fact that he, too, is struggling to adjust.

“I was used to hanging out with everyone stinking, retching, and burping, looking imposing in helmets and pads and ground-in dirt. Now everyone looked smaller, more like kids and less like warriors. It was vaguely disappointing.”

Chan uses parallel structure to describe the usual scene at practice. He is used to seeing his teammates as dirty, sweaty kids, whereas at dinner they all look like regular kids. For Chan, it breaks the spell of the bubble of focus and masculinity that surrounds the sport of football. Yet the absence of these things reminds him that he is part of the team.

“The applause picked me up by my armpits and escorted me to the front of the room. I came back with my prize—it felt like it weighed thirty pounds—and I couldn’t help looking at Abogee and grinning, a little. Abogee looked back at me and nodded. There is a drop of pride inside that Abogee statue somewhere, I think.”

Chan compares his father to a statue as he reacts to his son winning an award at the team dinner. Despite his lack of outward emotion, Chan knows his father well enough to know that he feels proud of him.

“I am Young’s oppa, after all, and it’s my job to look out for her. And to me, there’s hardly a guy that exists that’s good enough for her. Especially not the guys in the locker room, who seem to think you handle a girl the same way you handle a football.”

Chan compares the way his teammates treat girls to the way they treat a football. Young is the most important person to Chan, and he wants to protect her from being objectified by his teammates. This quote shows Chan’s awareness of his team’s sexist beliefs.

“Oppa, we get good grades, work, all that. Why can’t O-Ma and Abogee let us have just the littlest amount of freedom? No one else I know studies as hard as we do, or works at a store. Everyone I know just goofs off. Even Donna sits around watching TV on weekends.”

Young earnestly asks her brother why they aren’t afforded the same leniency as their peers. By comparing themselves to their friends, Young makes clear that she and Chan have the traits their parents want them to, like work ethic and determination.

“The JV coach complained. Kearny dismissed him. ‘He’s doing you a favor, really. It’s necessary roughness. Helps you weed out the kids who aren’t tough enough. No crybabies allowed on varsity.’”

This quote ties the idea of “necessary roughness” to a lack of emotion, as is traditional in football. Kearny holds the belief that pain and the ability to endure it are necessary for a successful football player. Further, he equates a lack of emotion to athletic success, exemplifying the belief that the kids use to bully their peers.

“‘I don’t do that stuff,’ said Jimmi. ‘I’m Indian. I don’t pray to no white man’s god.’ He looked at me. ‘How ’bout you—don’t you pray to Buddha or something?’”

After spending most of the book making fun of Chan, Jimmi tries to find common ground when he thinks he may support his rejection of the Christian prayer. This moment acknowledges their potential for solidarity as the only two people of color on the team, but Chan responds that he doesn’t mind and believes that prayer can cut through the differences of culture.

“‘Where ya shoes—jap?’ came a call from the Spartan side. ‘He thinks he’s Bruce Lee.’”

Chan’s opponent reveals his ignorance by calling Chan “jap,” as if he is Japanese, and trying to insult him by comparing him to Bruce Lee, the famous actor and martial artist. Chan ignores his opponent as he takes the game-winning kick barefoot. Back in LA, Chan practiced Taekwondo, which is usually performed barefoot. This kick represents the culmination of Chan’s hard work and a unique collaboration between his two cultures. He wouldn’t be as successful here in the American sphere (football) if he did not call on—and proudly display—his Korean roots.

“Young was dead. She was not dead. She couldn’t be dead. I am going to contest this play, I was thinking. Show me the instant replay. I am going to contest this play.”

As Chan receives the news that Young has died in a car crash, he reverts to his football instincts to cope. In this metaphor, he imagines that his life abides by the same rules as football does. Unable to face the devastating truth, the lens of football helps him hold onto the hope that she is still alive.

“I tried to put myself in his shoes, to experience his loss of Young, but I couldn’t. Mine loomed too large. Way too large. ‘I’m sorry’ was all I could say to him.”

When Mikko tries to bond with Chan over losing Young, Chan cannot bring himself to relate to him. Chan’s grief takes up physical space in this quote, looming over him, demanding to be felt. Even after trying to empathize, Chan realizes that his impossible grief left no room for him to try to understand Mikko’s.

“I was half hoping Abogee would howl and moan and shout and curse the gods so loud that the sky would split open. But he was just crying, making tiny animal noises. I’d never seen his face look so shattered, so broken. The whole world seemed to stop. No one knew what to do.”

Chan’s perception of Abogee at the funeral exemplifies his realization that his father is only human. He wants Abogee to ascend as a godlike figure and change things somehow, but instead, he watches as his dad breaks down. By comparing his father’s noises to that of an animal, Chan reminds himself that his father, who at one point seemed all-powerful, is subject to the same fate as all animals.

“The crowd parted like the Red Sea to let me pass. I wanted to tell them death wasn’t catching. My feet, through force of habit, made their way to the gym. The guys looked at me like I was Jesus, or Lazarus, or Elvis after the resurrection. Take your pick.”

Chan makes several allusions as he describes his return to school. People look at him like he is a character out of the Bible, who has returned after experiencing unthinkable horrors. His reference to Biblical characters shows his connection to Christianity and his comparison to these figures that are larger than life emphasizes the weight of the situation.

“My perception of things had totally changed, the way a kaleidoscope does when you twist the knob. Football had once been the center of my universe. Now, with life and death intruding, I saw it for what it was: a colossal waste of time.”

Chan reflects upon how easily his entire world had shifted, comparing it to a kaleidoscope. In the aftermath of Young’s death, his world is distorted, with different colors and focus points than before. Football is no longer the center of his world, and he reverts to Abogee’s belief that it is a waste of time.

“The locker room stank of rust, jock-itch medicine, and sweat. I couldn’t believe how good it smelled. Out on the field, the tennis courts were empty, and I started thinking about Rainey again. I was wondering if there was any chance that my life would get back to normal.”

The juxtaposition in the first two lines emphasizes Chan’s overwhelming love for football. As he returns to his sport for the first time after Young’s death, even the gross aspects of football seem beautiful to Chan. The familiar setting lets Chan imagine a life that carries on in Young’s absence.