None of This Is True: A Novel

“Then Zoe and Alix turn the conversation away from the Huge Coincidence and immediately Josie sees that it has passed, this strange moment of connection, that it was fleeting and weightless for Alix, but that for some reason it carries import and meaning to Josie, and she wants to grab hold of it and breath life back into it, but she can’t.”

Josie finds her connection to Alix deeply meaningful, and the juxtaposition of her reaction against Alix’s own, which is brief and fleeting, shows the dynamic that will develop further between the characters. Josie admires and is envious of Alix’s confidence and seemingly perfect life, and the impulse to insinuate herself into Alix’s life begins in this moment. Josie will capitalize on Alix’s understanding of The Sisterhood of Women to create the connection that, right now, only goes one way.

“She’s wearing a floral-print T-shirt with a blue denim skirt and has a handbag also made of blue denim. Alix notices the dog’s collar and lead are blue denim too and senses a theme. Some people have that, she ponders, a repeat motif, some defining aesthetic tic that somehow makes them feel protected.”

Josie is an accomplished seamstress, but nearly everything she makes is of denim—in fact, her neighbors refer to her as “Double Denim.” Alix’s response to Josie’s infatuation with denim also reveals something about her character—she is observant and thoughtful, but unlike Josie’s neighbor, she doesn’t mock or judge her. These qualities make Alix a successful interviewer but will also be tested as Josie reveals her story.

“Alix is silent for a moment, not sure how to respond. Her instincts tell her very strongly to walk away, but she came here for a reason. She came here because the journalist inside her couldn’t resist the tantalizing essence of the words “There’s something I’d like to talk to you about.” She wanted to hear what Josie was going to tell her. And now she’s heard that Josie has an extraordinary story to share, and even though Alix is slightly repelled by Josie’s intensity, she is also sickeningly drawn to the idea of finding out what it is.”

Josie has just revealed her idea for a podcast to Alix, who is torn between her personal reaction and the value to her career. Throughout the novel, Alix experiences these instinctive reactions to Josie but pushes back against them because of her need for a new project, a distraction from the tensions in her own marriage and family. The tension between what her head and gut are telling her drives the tension of the novel, building to the point where Nathan disappears.

“She was always a bit odd. Controlling? She didn’t like it when I had other friends. She always wanted to make things about her. ‘Passive aggressive’ is the term these days. She would never just come straight out and tell you what was bothering her. She made you do all around the houses to get to it. She was a sulker too. The silent treatment. We’d already started to grow out of each other when she met Walter.”

Although Alix’s primary interview subject for the podcast is Josie, after she releases the first episode, other people come forward to be interviewed. One of these is Josie’s childhood friend, Helen, who reveals Josie’s controlling nature: a relationship dynamic that will be confirmed by others, even Josie’s own mother and husband. Helen also casts doubt on the idea that Josie was unwittingly seduced by Walter when she was young, and her interview raises the first suspicions that not everything Josie says can be trusted.

“Where Josie is stiff and unanimated, her mother is all expansive hand gestures and chatter. She’s glamorous too, clearly takes care of her appearance, sees herself as a woman worthy of attention and respect.”

Alix is meeting Pat O’Neill, Josie’s mother, and is shocked by the difference between mother and daughter. At first, Pat appears to be a woman to admire, but Alix will quickly discover that Pat is in fact, a narcissist and an indifferent mother. These insights into Pat will inform her own understanding of Josie, underscoring the theme of Discerning Good Versus Evil in an Ambiguous World.

“And the interview itself: reliving the early days of her relationship with Walker; telling her about her terrible mother; the look on Alix’s face of rapt fascination, as though Josie were the most interesting woman she’d ever met in her life.”

Josie is becoming further infatuated with Alix, exacerbated by glimpsing the inside of her house. Part of that infatuation is with the attention that Alix pays her, made all the more meaningful by how highly she views Alix. That infatuation, however, is tempered by envy, and Josie has begun collecting objects from Alix’s life in an attempt to reforge her own sense of identity. Her choice of object (in this case, a bottle of hand soap), are seemingly random and innocuous, but they are also highly personal.

“It’s her lucky jacket, the jacket she was wearing when her life turned around, when she went from being the sort of girl who drank warm cider with rough boys to the sort of girl who had the love of a real man, who had beautiful babies and a two-bedroom flat. But that girl…that girl is starting to feel like a shape-shifter, a fraud, a one-dimensional paper doll. She’s blurring in her mind’s eye into a human puddle.”

Josie is beginning to untangle her preoccupation with denim and understands that it all revolves around the denim jacket she wore in high school, and The Need for Control, for she felt most in control during that time in her life. Josie’s character is going through a major shift as she reviews the events in her life that led her to where she finds herself on her 45th birthday. She is trying to make a change and shift her identity, and as a result, the denim jacket no longer seems to suit her. Instead, she begins to adopt Alix’s style.

“She wants to down tequila shots and sing and dance and laugh like a drain. But she can’t take on that role because Nathan has already staked his claim on it and one of them has to remain sentient and together; one of them has to be the grown-up.”

Alix is frustrated by Nathan’s alcohol addiction because of the strain it puts on their relationship, and also because it forces her into the role of the responsible caretaker. This is the insight that leads her to confess, just a little later, to Josie that she sometimes thinks about how life would be easier without Nathan. Later, after Nathan’s death, Alix’s perspective will shift as she understands the real reasons behind his drinking.

“The atmosphere in the flat shifts into a new realm with every word that she utters. It’s like she’s smashing a fist through a sequence of invisible walls with each one, getting closer and closer to something approaching the truth of everything.”

Alix has invited Josie and Walter to dinner at her home, and Josie has been berating Walter about his appearance, ordering him to get a haircut and new clothes before the event. Although outwardly it seems to Walter that she is just nagging him, Josie feels the pressure of an important shift in their relationship, and in her identity. With this uncertainty, The Need for Control rises up again, and she turns it on Walter.

“Alix feels an awkward cloud of dishonesty pass through the room. She’d been surprised by the fact that Walter had agreed to come along and essentially make himself a part of the project and thought that maybe he was more evolved than Josie had made him sound. But no, this was, Alix realized, a classic Josie maneuver, like buying a Pomchi without checking that it really was a Pomchi, or allowing herself to be groomed into a lifelong relationship by a man old enough to be her own father: a sort of blundering, thoughtless, aimless approach to life. A ‘do the thing and worry about it later’ approach. And so now Alix has to go along with the subterfuge.”

Alix discovers that Walter doesn’t know about her podcast with Josie, and she is irritated at being made an accomplice in a lie. She is also forced to reevaluate Walter, whom she had assumed had known about and approved of the project. This insight into Josie’s character illustrates Alix’s insightfulness—she has gained some understanding of Josie’s inner motivations and is beginning to understand that Discerning Good Versus Evil in an Ambiguous World is a complicated affair.

“‘You know,’ Walter says, thoughtfully, peering at Alix through narrowed eyes, ‘she’s a tricky one, my Jojo. She gives this impression, doesn’t she…of being…simple. […] Like there’s not much going on in her head. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned about her over the years it’s that there is actually too much going on in her head. She’s not who she makes out to be. Not at all.’”

Walter and Alix are alone in her studio, and he is presenting an alternate perspective from what she’s heard from Josie so far. Although Alix wants to believe fully in Josie, her own instincts support what Walter is telling her, and she isn’t able to completely dismiss his perspective. Yet she is also unable to dismiss Josie’s version entirely either, as their age difference is undeniable.

“‘I haven’t got an inner sanctum,’ Josie wails. ‘I’ve got Walter and I’ve got the girls and I’ve got Fred and I’ve got you.’ Alix feels the contents of her stomach curdle slightly at Josie’s intonation of the word ‘you.’ It sounds proprietorial and odd. No, she wants to say. No, you don’t have me. But she puts her arm around Josie’s shaking shoulders and squeezes her reassuringly.”

Alix assumes that, like herself, Josie has a network of women whom she depends on for support. Josie surprises her, however, by revealing that not only does she lack such a network, but the small network she does have seems to be comprised solely of Alix. Again, the uneven dynamic of their relationship is emphasized, for Alix plays an outsized part in the life of Josie, who unlike Alix, doesn’t have The Sisterhood of Women to depend on.

“So. There is another spare room in the house. She does not have to leave on Saturday. She smiles and heads up the next flight of stairs to her room next to Eliza’s on the top floor. She’s not ready to leave. Not even slightly.”

Josie has maneuvered herself into Alix’s house now, but Alix’s need to repurpose the spare room for her visiting family is Josie’s unofficial eviction notice. However, she isn’t ready to give up on her plan, which is unclear as yet, but involves continued deeper insinuation into Alix’s life. Because of The Need for Control, Josie continues to press her advantage, even though she is so obviously unwelcome.

“And there’s an edge to her voice which makes Alix think that Josie actively wants Nathan to go on another bender, to commit another cardinal sin, to blow it somehow. That she actively wants Nathan to be as bad as Walter.”

Alix senses envy and even malice in Josie’s attitude toward Nathan. Yet she doesn’t realize that in order to manipulate Alix, Josie is trying to draw a parallel between their marriages. Josie pursues this angle to draw upon The Sisterhood of Women, in which Alix is clearly invested, and bring them closer together.

“She’s sat at each table at various points, lived different versions of herself in multiple light-refracting fragments. So today she will sit in the café, and she will eat a panini and she will live another fragment of her life and she will try to feel normal, to feel like the Alix of six weeks ago, the Alix who hadn’t met Josie Fair.”

With Josie living in her home, Alix’s claustrophobia about the increasingly dysfunctional relationship is growing, and yet because she has decided to complete the podcast, she must be careful not to alienate Josie. In order to regain some sense of herself, Alix leaves her own home, trying to return to time before this woman dominated her life. As Josie insinuates herself further, she goes far beyond just emulating Alix, for as Josie uses Alix’s style to gain a sense of her new identity, Alix accordingly loses all sense of herself and her autonomy.

“‘Fuck! Josie!’ Alix can’t help it. She cannot contain the shock and dismay. She’s meant to be impartial. Her job is not to judge or react, but simply to ask and listen. But this—she’ll edit out her reaction, she knows that—this is too animal and raw to remain circumspect about, especially, and yes, she knows it’s the most awful cliché, but especially as a mother.”

Until this point, Alix has restrained her reactions and judgment of Josie—she is aware of the expectations of her role as interviewer. However, the revelation that when Walter went to Erin’s room, Josie would put in earplugs, evokes this response that she cannot control. This story complicates Josie’s character because it doesn’t put her in a sympathetic light, and yet she is completely open about it.

“But that is where the picture starts to fragment. Josie walked from her home near Kilburn the sixteen minutes to Alix’s house in Queen’s Park. But it was 3 a.m. when she appeared on Alix’s doorstep. It was cold. What happened between ten o’clock, when they would have returned home, and 3 a.m., when Josie arrived here?”

Josie has just told Alix the story of what happened after the dinner party and before Josie appeared, beaten, on Alix’s doorstep. Alix, however, is now thoroughly suspicious of Josie and begins to wonder about the holes in her story. Their relationship is starting to fragment, and The Need for Control that Josie feels will motivate her to carry out her plan.

“She brushes her teeth furiously in the bathroom, staring at the warped face of a wronged wife that looks back at her from the mirror. She has never been a wronged wife before.”

Alix now believes that Nathan is cheating on her, thanks to the false clues that Josie has planted in her closet. Although Alix had felt burdened by his alcohol addiction, the revelation of his alleged infidelity is a different matter—it is a betrayal that she doesn’t know how to handle. Although her sisters are staying with her, Alix doesn’t ask for their support, illustrating the sometimes complicated nature of The Sisterhood of Women.

“Alix reads the email twice, three times. Then she pushes her laptop away from her and gasps, her hands over her mouth. Her thoughts jump and crash into each other, violently, and then clarity descends and she picks up her phone and calls the police. ‘I know this might sounds insane,’ she begins, ‘but I think my husband has been kidnapped.’”

Alix has just received word from a friend at the police department that the car in which Nathan left the hotel was rented under Erin Fair’s credit card. Suddenly, her perspective shifts wildly, and she understands what is happening. She finally has concrete evidence behind the uneasiness she has always felt about Josie, but it is now too late to do anything about it.

“He was part of the thing, part of the act, you know. The subscribers loved my dad being there. He would just sit behind her and make wisecracks. He had a nickname. Pops. Erased and Pops. That was part of why her stream was so popular, because of him.”

In her interview, Roxy Fair offers yet another perspective on what happened behind the closed doors of the Fair household. She tells Alix that when Walter visited Erin in her bedroom at night, it was to appear on her gaming stream, and further, that he set up monetization with an eye toward Erin’s eventual independence. This retelling contrasts sharply with Josie’s implications of why he was in Erin’s bedroom, and also chips away at the portrait of Walter that she has been developing.

“She’d thought Josie was rambling. But really she’d been giving her warped manifesto, laying it out for Alix to see. And she’d totally missed it. This, Alix realizes now, was what Josie had wanted to share with Alix when she’d approached her outside the children’s school with that slightly desperate air about her. She’d had a revelation and she wanted Alix to be the depository for it. And she’d shown it to her during this interview and Alix had blown it. She’d totally blown it.”

Although Alix has been feeling uneasy about Josie from the beginning, she ignored her feelings for the sake of her career. However, after Josie kidnaps Nathan, Alix returns to the interview recordings and analyzes them from a new perspective. She realizes that Josie had given her all the clues to her hidden psyche.

“Alix wonders at herself for taking comfort from this, wonders at herself and her values and every last aspect of herself as she has done constantly for the past week. Who is she? Why is she? What has she done? What should she do? Is she a good mother? Has she been a good wife? Good sister? A good friend? A good woman? Does she deserve what she has? Is she shallow? Is she irrelevant? Does she want to be relevant? Is she a feminist? Or is she just feminine? What more could she have done for Josie? And women like her? What more could she have done for her marriage?”

Alix’s interactions with Josie have both disrupted her own identity and sense of herself, and caused her to question every aspect of her life. While at the beginning of the novel, she was confident and secure in her identity and life, Alix is now forced to question everything she thought she knew about herself. In addition, she is forced to confront what she has lost because her dissatisfaction clouded her perspective on Nathan’s drinking.

“And the drinking—it was so painfully crystal clear now to Alix—it was not about her, it was never about her. It was about him, about Nathan, about how he balanced out the delicate ecosystem of his damaged psyche. He didn’t want Alix to see that dark side of him.”

At Nathan’s funeral, Alix has a revelation about the roots of his alcohol addiction, with the defining events of his mother’s death when he was young, and his brother’s death by suicide. Now that Nathan is dead, her perspective on his behavior has shifted, and with distance, she understands it in a new way. This is particularly painful given that Alix brought Josie into their lives and gave the woman the access and control she needed to destroy them.