The Beauty in Breaking

After her divorce, Harper tried the online dating scene but struggled to find real connection. Eventually, however, she met Colin, a cop, with whom she experienced “an impossible love” (168). Colin was going through a divorce when he started dating Harper, and his ex-wife was showing dangerous signs of emotional instability. For a while, Colin and Harper enjoyed a deeply passionate connection, an uncanny ease for communicating with one another, but in time this all changed. Colin began to relive childhood traumas, which left him “irritable, withdrawn, and unkind” (171). For Harper, as Colin collapsed into his shadow self, the choice was clear: remain in an unhealthy relationship for fear of never finding love again; or leave, leaning into the difficult, arduous process of emotional disentanglement to someday heal enough to the point where she could be in a healthy romantic relationship. Harper chose the latter. Colin was Harper’s most significant romantic relationship after her unexpected divorce. 

Dan is Harper’s ex-husband, who told her that he would not be following her to Philadelphia after she finished her residency. This declaration led to a chain reaction of events ending quickly in their divorce, as they now traversed diverging paths. Harper met Dan during college, at Harvard, and they enjoyed a comfortable marriage until Dan dropped the news on her. A documentary filmmaker, Dan justified his refusal to move with Harper to Philadelphia, where his parents lived, by stating that he had to find himself outside of her professional success. Two days after this revelation, Harper filed for divorce and started her residency in his parents’ home city all by herself. Harper laments the loss of her marriage, including the two biracial children they might have had (Dan is white), and she now faced the reality of being a recently divorced single woman while starting her career as a fully licensed physician. 

Dominic Thomas is a young Black man who acts as an emblematic symbol in Harper’s memoir. After Dominic refused to be examined in Harper’s hospital when he was brought in by the police on suspicion that he had swallowed drugs, Harper discharged him. This act, though perfectly legal, was a dual act of defiance: First, Dominic stood up for his right not to be examined, and then Harper advocated for him on the basis that no US citizen, no matter how dire the circumstances, is required by law to be medically examined against their will. Her desire to bring a social justice lens to her work as an emergency room doctor accentuated the poignant nature of the moment for a young Black man in trouble with law enforcement. In Harper’s own words, “Dominic Thomas brought me back to the reason I had chosen to become a physician: Being a healer is the powerful gift of bearing witness in an authentic way that allows us to mindfully choose who we are” (111). Thus, Harper’s advocacy for Dominic’s rights were not only a technicality but also a potent reminder of the complicated, often brutal history of Black people in America, particularly within the context of medical treatment.  

During the internship year of her medical residency, Harper worked Dr. Jaiswal, a skilled but not particularly polite physician. Along with the other interns, Harper always knew when Dr. Jaiswal was coming due to the distinct sound of her shoes on the linoleum floor. Though petite, Dr. Jaiswal had a big personality, forceful and direct. She had a habit of reaming out her interns during rounds, even in front of patients. According to Harper, “Everyone feared Dr. Jaiswal, harboring a resentment toward her that bordered on hate […] we complained incessantly to one another about how overly critical she was and how stingy with positive feedback” (34). Harper recalls a time when Dr. Jaiswal harshly criticized her during rounds. This incident was difficult for Harper and remained etched in her mind, forcing her to be extra diligent with her patients’ charts, for years.