The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love

Taylor begins by explaining what radical self-love is and isn’t. She first distinguishes it from the concepts of self-esteem and self-confidence. Self-esteem and self-confidence, she contends, are both fleeting states that can exist without radical self-love. When a person has self-esteem or self-confidence but no radical self-love, that person can become arrogant. Taylor points to former US President Donald Trump as an example.

Taylor additionally distinguishes radical self-love from self-acceptance. Self-acceptance, she argues, can often be a form of giving up and simply resigning oneself to the things that are out of one’s control. She wants people to go beyond self-acceptance and embrace something more powerful.

She goes on to examine why it’s important to center this transformation—the journey of radical self-love—on the body. The reasons for this, she argues, are simple: Everyone has a body, and the injustices of the world are inflicted upon bodies.

Taylor further unpacks the concept of radical self-love by discussing why she uses the term “radical.” She explains that one of the definitions of radical is “of or going to the root or origin; fundamental: a radical difference” (6). Accordingly, Taylor proposes a kind of self-love that deals with the root or origin of who people are. She points out that as babies, humans embody love; babies do not loathe themselves or engage in self-criticism. In other words, humans are born knowing how to exist as radical self-love.

Further, Taylor asserts that the current state of the world demonstrates that the type of self-love required for healing is that which is radical. The term “radical” broadens the scope of self-love, elevating it to the level of society and politics. Body oppression, she argues, is political; prejudice against race, gender, and disability is codified in the founding documents of the United States. Changing oppressive structures, she says, requires vast changes in society and policy.

Taylor then explores the concept of intersectionality, which takes into account the multiplicity of identities that each human embodies. She contends that radical self-love demands that people see themselves as complex beings residing at the intersection of many identities.

Not only is radical self-love inherently intersectional, but Taylor also explains that it is interdependent. Radical self-love, she says, functions at both the level of the individual and the collective.

Taylor unpacks what it means to apologize. She notes that not apologizing for oneself can connect to a willingness to take up space. She recounts a personal anecdote, sharing that she once took a photo of herself posing in a corset and that she loved the photo. However, she refrained from sharing it online for six months because she worried about what other people might think of her. However, after a friend shared photos with her of a plus-sized model wearing a similar corset, she was so inspired that she felt courageous enough to share the photo of herself on social media, captioning it “The Body Is Not an Apology” (19).

Taylor shares three core tenets to help people extract themselves from body shame. She calls these the three peaces: “Make peace with not understanding. Make peace with difference. Make peace with your body” (21).

In unpacking the first peace, Taylor explains that it is okay to not understand something and that not understanding has no bearing on intelligence; rather, it should be treated as an invitation to become curious without judgment or expectation.

She discusses the second peace, arguing that it is important to acknowledge difference and diversity. People who think that they are being helpful by declaring that everyone is the same are actually refusing to acknowledge the difference of others’ lived experiences. These people likely attempt to view everyone as the same, she says, because they have not mastered the first peace.

Taylor discusses the fact that society defines a “default” body type and then treats people with that body better, giving them greater access and opportunities. The medical industry judges everyone according to that narrow standard, pathologizing anyone who does not fit into it. Taylor explains that some people even use this skewed concept of health to judge other people’s bodies by claiming that they simply care about the other person’s health.

Taylor shows that societal ideas around health and the default body are not constructive. Health varies throughout everyone’s lives, and furthermore, these concepts of health are rooted in inequity. She references the book Fearing the Black Body by Sabrina Strings, which shows that the American fear of fat bodies has roots in the trade of enslaved people.

Changing these systemic inequities, Taylor says, requires moving toward a culture that celebrates difference.

Lastly, Taylor touches on the importance of making peace with one’s own body. She claims that doing so will benefit not just the individual but all who surround them because body shame is a contagious phenomenon that impacts other people.