The Miscalculations of Lightning Girl

“When people meet me, they expect Einstein or Maryam Mirzakhani (if they’re familiar with recent mathematical geniuses). But instead, they get the 1 and only freaky-strange Lucy. The girl who can’t sit down without making you stare at her because she needs to do it 3 times. The girl who would rather calculate your age down to the hour than talk about your hobbies. The girl who never leaves the house without a supply of Clorox wipes and hand sanitizer.”

Lucy enjoys her new power, but she’s obsessed with it, which causes problems, especially when she’s with other people. Her obsessive-compulsive behaviors also make people uneasy. She’s well aware that, though the lightning bolt gave her a gift, it also took things away.

“‘Friends?’ ‘Um…’ This is actually a hard answer to calculate. What makes someone a friend? A shared interest? Is there a minimum amount of time you need to spend together? Does the other person need to call you a friend, too?”

After four years of being a homeschooled math genius, Lucy is behind in her social skills. She doesn’t want any more people in her life, other than Nana and Paul because they understand her quirks. Lucy struggles with how to approach other people and friendships because she cannot find a solution to this issue as easily as she can solve math problems.

“Other people might need to add in friends or sports or money or something else, but my equation is already solved.”

Lucy is happy to live at home, study online, and have all her friends be adoring students on a math forum. The real world holds no attraction, especially because she believes it’s grimy. Lucy would rather do anything else than deal with people in person. Uncle Paul, though, can see that her social equation contains a big error. He knows it’s time for Lucy to test herself in the outside world.

“‘Give it 1 year and really make a go of it. Make 1 friend. Do 1 thing outside of these walls. Read 1 book not written by an economist or a mathematician.’ ‘1 year, 1 friend, 1 activity, 1 book. This year is brought to you by the number 1.’”

Lucy hates going back to school. She just wants to do math, but school involves people and dodgeball. Lucy persuades her grandmother to compromise at a single year of public schooling, plus a few minor tasks, and then she can go to college. She doesn’t understand why this onerous task is so important to her grandmother, but she feels she has no choice.

“‘I know what you’re thinking,’ Mrs. Jensen says to us—a statement I always find weird because I’m never able to guess what another person is thinking. And she claims to know what an entire 7th-grade class is thinking.”

Setting aside all the counting and calculating Lucy does, her mind also is relentlessly logical. Partly it’s the rigor of her mathematical world, and partly it’s her way of keeping others at a distance by finding fault with them. Her obsession with cleanliness is also an attempt to remove all contact with the outside world so that she’s not contaminated by its ordinariness.

“I worry she might know my ability and my secret, and quoting Einstein will only make her more suspicious. So I lie and say my favorite quote is Dory’s famous line from Finding Nemo: ‘Just keep swimming.’ She nods like this makes complete sense.”

Perhaps unconsciously, Lucy has chosen a motto that fits her well. In stepping away from her cloistered life and meeting others in the world, she swims in what, for her, are deep waters, but Lucy keeps moving forward through these seas of uncertainty. Already, she’s building islands of safety in the form of new friendships.

“Windy likes to think big, and she needs someone else to pull her back to earth. I’m her gravity.”

Lucy is just beginning to understand how friendships work. There’s a give and take, and, especially, a way in which people can balance out their friends’ weaknesses. This is one way that humans need each other, and it’s good to be needed.

“In math, Mr. Stoker starts class not with a review of the homework, like he always does, but with a lecture on math in the real world. And it’s awesome. While he’s talking, I imagine showing him my world. He’d love to see math and numbers the way I do—in everything from the stars to building construction to ripples on a lake. Even water draining in the sink. I see circles and bisecting triangles that form equations in my brain. If only there were an easy way, like wearing special glasses; a lightning strike is too painful, and results aren’t guaranteed.”

Lucy feels an intense need to share her real self, but that self is a math genius, something lost on most people. Her two touchstones at school are her math teacher, Mr. Stoker, and Windy Sitton, her new best friend. She’s afraid to confess her strange genius to Windy; instead, she yearns to discuss math with a math expert, something she does regularly in chat rooms online. Fearing trouble if people find out she’s a genius, she’s afraid to confide in Mr. Stoker, and she thus cuts off the one person on the faculty who can really help her improve her math knowledge.

“Levi sees things in an instant that I must miss every day […] Levi and I live in the same world, but we see things very differently. I guess it would be boring if we all had the same view.”

Levi’s candid photos suggest to Lucy that there’s a lot more going on in the world around her than she pays attention to. These things can’t be calculated; they must be experienced. What’s more, Levi the uncaring cheater has depths Lucy hasn’t considered until now. There are new ways of looking at others that she needs to try; Lucy has a lot of catching up to do.

“I take a deep breath and tell him my story before I lose my nerve. I want someone to understand that I might not be normal, but this—the numbers, the OCD—is my normal.”

Needing to be understood, Lucy blurts out the truth about her math ability to Levi. It’s the first time she’s told anyone from school, a moment of great risk for her, and she’s afraid he’ll mock her. Her willingness to do so marks the first step in her attempt to be herself in front of other students.

“We spend the rest of the day entering adoption information into the computer and collecting my own sampling. A scraggly dog sleeps on my feet. Levi complains the whole time. It might be the best afternoon of my life.”

Levi responds to Lucy’s demonstration of her astounding math abilities, not with derision, but with admiration. He then works with her on their team project as if nothing strange has happened. This is the first time Lucy feels seen in public instead of dismissed and judged. On top of that, she makes friends with a dog, whom she allows to lean against her.

“The next day, we return to Ms. Fleming’s class. There’s no mention of our revolt. No apologies from us or from her. It’s like everyone is trying to forget it happened. […] ‘Looks like we got away with it,’ Levi whispers. ‘I hope so,’ Windy says. I smile but say nothing. I’m not sure how all this works. Do I thank them? Do I owe them? Words and favors don’t seem like enough. They saved me in more ways than 1.”

When Ms. Fleming tries to force Lucy to read a passage she hasn’t counted up yet, Lucy refuses, and her friends defend her. All three end up at the principal’s office, but the drama subsides, and Lucy realizes that friendship involves doing favors that are difficult to return. There’s certainly nothing there that she can calculate; it’s her heart that must sum things up and show her the answer.

“Dogs are gross and coated in bacteria and parasites—so are humans. But dogs also bite and maul, and they sense fear. They’re practically mind readers. To Murphy, I probably appear to be a trembling chew toy. ‘Stay,’ Levi says. ‘He won’t hurt you. I won’t let him. I promise.’ Feeling wanted beats feeling safe. So I stay.”

Lucy yearns for love and affection, but she must be willing to ease up on fear of germs to participate fully in friendships, both with people and with pets. Beyond school, the shelter is where Lucy must give up total control over sanitation. It’s also where friendly animals will challenge her with their eager affection. Without quite realizing it, Lucy begins to make choices that move her closer to the situations she needs to master.

“I’m sure I get every question right. I debate going back and changing a few answers, but at this school, getting them all correct is probably the average. Not hiding my genius is like taking off a pair of sweaty old sneakers. It feels good now, but I don’t think I’m ready to toss my sneakers.”

Lucy takes the entrance exam for the North Carolina Academy of Science, Math, and Engineering. Though for her the test is simple, she briefly considers hiding her genius like she does at middle school, but she’s smart enough to understand the difference between a place where you can be your fullest self and a place where you must hide your potential. She’s becoming better at navigating the complex world of other people.

“Levi takes a seat on the couch. I sit, stand, sit, stand, sit on a chair across from him. Then I wonder if I should have sat next to him. Then I wonder why I’m wondering this. I shake my head to clear the thoughts.”

Lucy struggles with socializing and showing affection to others. She doesn’t yet understand her feelings about Levi. For that matter, she’s also unaware of how much Windy, Levi, and Cutie Pi mean to her. Still, her feelings are coming through, and, slowly and awkwardly, she’s finding a place for people in her life and heart.

“Is there ever a perfect time to reveal that you’re a freak?”

It’s hard to know just when to admit personal quirks to a friend. Windy deserves to know that Lucy’s a math genius, but telling her is a big risk because Windy might reject her or tell the school about it. This is another social problem that Lucy cannot put into an equation. Lucy must dare to do it and make the leap.

“I love all these dogs, but sometimes I forget what it’s like to love just 1.”

Claire knows that people are different about how they care about others. Claire—and, to some degree, Windy—are people who tend to love everyone, while Lucy focuses her affection on only a few people. This is yet another lesson for Lucy about how humans can differ in ways that can’t be calculated.

“What kind of teacher gives out a problem he doesn’t have the answer to? My cheeks feel hot, and I’m not sure whether it’s from frustration or excitement.”

Mr. Stoker has found a way to capture Lucy’s imagination. He’s maneuvered her into trying to solve a difficult college-level math problem. She doesn’t quite know what’s going on, but the puzzle nags at her; she is determined to solve it. This marks the beginning of the advanced math lessons that Mr. Stoker has been waiting patiently to present to her.

“I got it! It actually wasn’t that hard once I put pencil to paper. I want to show Mr. Stoker that I figured it out. Maybe leave it on his desk. But I can’t. I stare at my solution, lost in the beauty of it. The way an art lover would look at a painting in a museum. Then I tear it into little pieces and flush it down the toilet. Unlike an original artistic masterpiece, I can do the problem again, and it will be just as beautiful.”

Alone with the math puzzle presented to her by Mr. Stoker, Lucy is in her element, dwelling in the heaven of numbers and their solutions. She has a master’s appreciation for good computation, and her work is elegant. Mr. Stoker’s nudge pushes Lucy closer to becoming, at school, the genius she really is, therefore helping her experience the happiness of her natural strengths while she’s on campus.

“‘Leave me alone!’ ‘Whatever!’ Levi yells after me. ‘You’re the 1st person who has ever felt different. You’re the 1st freak to ever set foot in East Hamlin Middle School. Congratulations, Lucy Callahan. You’re so special!’”

Levi wants Lucy to know that she’s not the only person who feels rejected for who she is. People treat him that way, too. He’s telling her that he, for one, accepts her as herself, and that there’s a fellowship of rejected people. Lucy has yet to grasp that many good people love her regardless of her OCD and abilities with numbers.

“‘I think it’s time you tell me what’s going on,’ Nana says. ‘I might not have a solution for you—especially if it has to do with math. But you’ll feel better if you share your problems. I promise.’ ‘This miscalculation has nothing to do with math.’”

All of her disasters pile up at once—the kids know about her secret, Windy betrayed her, Maddie went on the attack, and Cutie Pi is dying—and Lucy knows finally that math can’t save her. She assumed friendships are simple, but in truth, they’re not something she can calculate.

“I will never understand people. In algebra, you can solve an equation when you have 1 unknown variable. People are equations with dozens of variables. Basically unsolvable.”

Windy’s apologies make no sense to Lucy. The complexities of all the girls’ interactions exceed her ability to calculate. With no math to defend herself, she must rely on her heart, and her heart tells her that Windy loves her and cares about her and that they really should continue to be friends.

“Telling Maddie that she means nothing to me, that she’s a 0, was a crappy thing to do. I like to think that she forgot about it or doesn’t care. But anytime I see her with glassy eyes, I wonder whether I had something to do with it. She has enough pressure without thinking about me and my stupid comments. We all have our problems.”

Lucy learns to see past Maddie’s bad behavior to the vulnerable person inside. Lucy’s growth as a social person has been difficult but rapid. She is learning to understand that all people are struggling with something and that those struggles shouldn’t be judged.