The Perfect Escape

“I didn’t want [Kate] to know I went to Clyde Hill Academy. CHA was the douchiest, most elite prep school for grades six through twelve in the Pacific Northwest, and I’d gone there the entire time. I also didn’t want her to know I was there on a full ride. Kids like me on full scholarship had a nickname at Clyde Hill. ‘Skids,’ short for ‘scholarship kids.’ There’s no positive association for that word. Skid row. Skid mark. Skids were also trolls on hacker forums, according to Urban Dictionary.

I hated being a skid.”

Nate deeply resents the nickname given to him because it designates him as inferior in the eyes of his classmates. The derisive epithet reminds him of his socioeconomic status and makes him feel like an outcast in his own community. This dynamic shows the harmful impact that pejorative labels can have on people’s own internalized sense of identity.

“Pete Haskill. The Fourth. Clyde Hill Academy Legacy. Captain of every varsity team sport offered. And the guy at school who frequently asked me how my karate skills were coming along and would then do some fake-ass karate chop on my neck, yelling ‘Bruce Lee, ha-yaaa!’ […] He also joked a lot about my skid status, meaning he did all the laughing, and I took the brunt of his ‘jokes.’ Other than this infrequent, ignorant, slapstick racism, he never targeted me, and his friends left me alone too. He wasn’t a horrible guy to me, all things considered. He could be worse for sure—I’d seen him do worse—but that didn’t mean he was a good guy to any of us scholarship kids. On a ten-point asshole scale, he was pretty up there. Pushing about the seven or higher range, into real assholedom.”

The first time that Peter is introduced, his casual racism becomes clear. His behavior is harmful even as Nate excuses his comments as small moments of benign ignorance. Nate realizes that Peter’s behavior, while inherently disrespectful and problematic, could nonetheless be much worse. This attempt to downplay and ignore the other boy’s behavior shows how marginalized people often rationalize the microaggressions perpetrated against them.

“[Lucy] was right. What kind of kindergarten teacher thought it would be a good idea to do a multibranch family tree project for homework? A clueless, sadistic one, that’s who. A teacher who didn’t realize Korean families like ours didn’t have any relatives living close by to ask about familial history. That families like ours maybe didn’t know full names of our great-grandmas or great-grandpas. That both sets of grandparents had passed away and we never got to know them because they lived in another country, across an ocean. Mom’s parents died before I was born, and Dad’s parents only visited the States once when I was a baby before they passed away.”

Family dynamics are clearly introduced here as Nate struggles to help Lucy fill in the gaps of their family tree. Immigrant families often have these gaps because their family is geographically distant and sometimes unknown or forgotten. As the pressures and expectations of American society clash with traditional Korean values in this passage, the author explores a different angle of the ongoing theme of Navigating Cultural Identity, for even young Lucy must learn to balance the various pressures in her life at school and at home.

“We both knew not to bother Mom while she picked up the pieces of her literal slipup. The number one unspoken rule in this Korean family was that my parents could point out and punish kids’ mistakes, but we weren’t allowed to point out theirs. We were never, ever allowed to question their judgement. If I’d been the one to drop that glass, Dad would have scolded, Nate, you never look what you are doing! Jeongshin charyeo! As if clumsiness could be punished out of me.”

Nate explains more of his family dynamics and unspoken “rules” that dictate that his parents can never be questioned or judged. The mix of English and Korean in this exchange is also emblematic of Nate’s multilayered cultural identity.

“For ten years I’d been an only child, and then surprise! Instant little sister. My world changed after that. My parents had less time for me, and I was always tasked with being the babysitter. They constantly scrambled to make ends meet, thanks to having another mouth to feed. Thanks to having more birthday and Christmas presents to buy. Thanks to full-day preschool costs. None of this was my sister’s fault of course, I knew that, but there were plenty of times like now when it sure would have been nice to have the house to myself. So I could take a call with Kate without worrying about Lucy.”

Part of Nate’s character development is illustrated in his evolving feelings toward his little sister. Here, he displays some frustration at the financial and emotional consequences of her unexpected presence in his family. He doesn’t blame her, but he does resent how she has affected his teenage life. Later, he will learn that she truly makes his life better, and he will come to more fully appreciate his important role as her older brother.

“Nate [Bishop] moved to Olympia a month ago and I heard he went by Nathaniel now, his full name. Good riddance. He really was a better shot than me, and all around a better, stronger, faster Nate. Way better looking than me, too, the bastard. Nate 2.0.”

This brief mention of the “other” Nate, the “white version” of him, highlights Nate’s ongoing struggle with his multicultural identity. He feels like an inferior version of this person because he is Korean and is not as wealthy or athletic. This passage also contrasts with the later scene featuring young James Ejoon Cho, the little Korean boy in Lucy’s class in whom Nate sees aspects of himself.

“Krav Maga. Archery. Cross-country. All of these activities were for college applications, but they turned out to be the perfect training for zombie survival. With this victory under my belt, it would add credibility when I jump-started my dream career as CEO of a doomsday survival company, and maybe, just maybe, I could catch the eye of the investors of Zeneration to help me fund the production of my how-to guides and survivalist kits. A guy could dream, right?”

Nate’s aspirations and dreams are made clear as he plans to participate in Zombiegeddon. Not only would the cash prize be advantageous, but the added opportunity for networking is also not lost on him. This decision to participate in such a risky event shows his unwavering devotion to achieving his ambitions.

“The last few months I hadn’t felt like myself. Didn’t want to go out. Or hang out. I simply existed. That was it, the best I could do. Because my childhood died when Mom did.”

In this passage, it becomes clear that Kate has been experiencing depression ever since her mother died. This dynamic is exacerbated by her father’s callous lack of support during her time of grief, which compels her to further isolate herself from her friends.

“Why couldn’t I have my turn with conspicuous consumption? My whole life I’d been poor. My parents were poor, and so were both sets of grandparents before them. It was like I inherited a poverty gene. A skid for life. For once, would it really be that terrible to get a taste of being rich like everyone else?”

When Nate drastically compares poverty to a genetic abnormality or biological inheritance, the emotion surrounding this sentiment illustrates his conviction that he has been predestined to be poor. His ambition is an active effort to overcome this perceived fate and fit in with his wealthy classmates.

“[Dad] was barely home these days anyway, and now he was going to be gone all the time? Dad was more like a roommate than a parent. He came and went as he pleased, made sure the bills were paid and groceries were delivered. Our relationship had become completely transactional.”

Kate’s family dynamics are highlighted here as she contemplates her father’s role in her life. Although he provides financially for her, he is emotionally neglectful and distant, and this strained relationship has a profoundly harmful effect on Kate’s well-being and confidence. The juxtaposition of Kate’s family with Nate’s throughout the novel is designed to highlight the serious problems that lurk beneath Kate’s wealthy lifestyle.

“For Koreans, on the first birthday there’s a whole ritual around predicting the future of the one-year-old. Parents typically laid out a stethoscope, ruler, calculator, things like that, and in front of a whole crowd of people, the kid would walk or crawl to the item he wanted, and that would determine what the kid would be when he grew up. Unsurprisingly, I beelined to the hundred-dollar bill, and all of my parents’ friends roared with laughter, saying I’d be showered in riches.My sister? She picked up a paintbrush and chewed on the brush end. My parents and partygoers gaped when Lucy grinned and revealed two front teeth covered in green Crayola watercolor.Back then, it was hilarious how different she was from me. She was so unpredictable, stubborn, and full of emotion.Now, not so much.”

When Nate describes the Korean tradition of doljanchi, the passage provides a deeper insight into his complex Korean American identity. The passage also shows how different he is from his sister, whose temperament is similar to Kate’s. Part of his emotional development is learning that these differences can make their relationship stronger.

“Subway sandwiches and banchan. Two cultures colliding to make culinary magic: this was the Korean American dream right here. KFC with kimchi was my all-time second-favorite combo.”

Cultural identity is commonly expressed through food, and this scene highlights how Nate’s family is the combination of two cultures. Readers with similar backgrounds may relate to Nate’s taste for vastly different culinary experiences.

“There was not a single sporty bone in my body, so I couldn’t relate. I lived a life-in-a-protected-bubble existence, surrounded by robots and robust security systems.”

The alliteration of “robots and robust” effectively communicates Kate’s predictable and routine life while she remains trapped under her father’s high-tech forms of control. The situation also emphasizes her father’s overreliance on technology and Kate’s resulting disdain for it.

“A brief wave of panic hit me. Did I tell [Nate] the truth? That I was scared of losing my chance to do theater in New York because of Dad? That since Mom died, I’d been desperately lonely, but scared to stay close to anyone because I didn’t want to risk losing them too?”

Nate and Kate’s discussion of their respective fears forces Kate to admit that she has not been entirely truthful with Nate about her father or about her plans for the future. She has kept things hidden to protect herself from the pain of eventually losing Nate, and just like him, she has decided that her long-term career goals deserve more focus than her emotional desires.

“How many times had I woken up from a dream like this? Ten? Fifteen? Maybe even twenty? Dad’s technology had infiltrated my life so deeply that even in my dreams, I was no longer my own self. Was this my conscience letting me know it was time to leave?”

When Kate dreams that she has been turned into a robot, she sees this as a symbol of her father’s technological invasion of her privacy. His desire to regain control over life and her fear of the effects of her father’s control over her have seeped into her subconscious. The dream signals that Kate’s window to gain her freedom is rapidly closing.

“Holy shit was right. But winning this [competition] wasn’t supposed to be easy. My anxiety was at an all-time high, but as the wind blew toward me and the smell of Kate’s lemon eczema cream wafted my way, it reminded me that she was here with me. We were a team. And we were here to win.”

This moment underlines the power of friendship and partnership. Nate and Kate are an official team in the Zombiegeddon competition, but their developing relationship makes them a team in life as well. As they share their dreams and fears, their friendship deepens into romance.

“‘You have big dreams, Nate. I like that about you.’

I threw a broken branch into the blaze. ‘Well, when you’re poor, dreams are really all you’ve got.’”

Nate explains that his grand dreams are a result of growing up in poverty. Like Kate, he is trying to escape a situation that he has no control over by hyper-focusing on his ambition to become a wealthy CEO. As the conclusion of the novel will prove, his ambition to earn money, while not problematic in and of itself, does prevent him from fully valuing the intangible riches of love and family support that he has right in front of him.

“Pete had his Taser pointed right at me. The neon-green laser dot danced across my chest. ‘You’re an econ whiz, right, Natey? It’s simple, really. You have something I want, and I’m willing to pay top dollar for it. I still am because I’m a charitable guy. It’s not personal, skid. No hard feelings.’ His cold eyes searched my face for a reaction.”

In direct contrast to Nate, Peter grew up believing that the world is at his command because he has money. He takes advantage of this privilege and tries to manipulate Nate into compromising his own integrity. Thus, his actions are tainted by his self-satisfied sense of entitlement and his misguided conviction that he should be able to gain access to anything he wants merely by purchasing it.

“Telling Kate about [her father’s deal] would mean her dad would sue me, and my family would lose everything. But Kate needed money. She’d made that crystal clear to me. I wanted to help her. There was only [one] way to guarantee that would happen. She could follow her dreams, but it could mean that she would never talk to me again. I’d get us a shit ton of money, but…I would also lose her. A win-lose situation.”

After turning down Peter’s unethical bargain, Nate is faced with another offer that is even more unethical and manipulative, this time from Robbie Anderson-Steele. Again, Nate’s integrity and morality are tested as he tries to make the right decision: one that will reward both him and Kate with what they want most. While his decision does provide them with much-needed funds, he also compromises his own integrity by violating the newfound trust that Kate has for him.

“Abandoned again. A memory flashed of my mom, wildly clapping for me in the front row of the auditorium. Then another, of her casket being lowered into the ground. Did she know how much I loved her? How it hurt so much when she died? I hated being alone, but love inevitably turned into heartbreak. There was no point in going through that again. My heart couldn’t handle it.”

When Nate breaks up his partnership with Kate, she is reminded of how she felt after her mother died: alone and forsaken. The survivalist competition has effectively tested her emotional survival skills as well as her physical ones. In this case, she believes that survival means closing her heart off to prevent future pain.

“But what was most important now was to win, so I could make it all worth it. She’d have money to go live in New York, and I’d have money for my parents, college, and my business. The knot forming in my stomach told me that I was doing something wrong for the right reason. Or maybe I was doing something right for the wrong reason. What scared me was I couldn’t tell which was which.”

Even as Kate struggles with the loss of Nate as a partner, Nate struggles with the loss of his own integrity. As usual, his extreme focus on his goals helps him to move forward in the face of this inner turmoil, and the subsequent events of the competition also help to emphasize the strong bond that still exists between the two.

“But now I knew. There was no good reason to stay. I didn’t want to work at Dad’s company .I didn’t want to live under his roof under his rules. I didn’t want all the tracking. Or the monitoring. Most kids at school complained about their helicopter and bulldozer parents. My dad preferred a drone-parenting approach with me, using round-the-clock surveillance to watch my every move. I wanted a fresh start. No, I needed a fresh start. Far away from here.”

In this moment, Kate decides resolutely that she cannot remain under her father’s excessive control at home. This decision helps her to momentarily ignore her anger at Nate in order to help him overcome his fear on the cliff. Because of her timely intervention, they are both able to keep moving forward in the competition.

“It was funny. I wasn’t rich by any means, but we were so financially challenged that my windfall made it feel like I went from skid to Zuckerberg. I chewed my pizza slice and swallowed. ‘I thought having money would make me happier, but nope.’ Biggest surprise about my winnings? Having more money didn’t make me feel any different. ‘Maybe this whole skid thing wasn’t all about money after all. It was more in my head.’ I shrugged. ‘I’ve started to pare down my schedule, though, to make more time for fun stuff. Been doing more things that make me happy, like playing games with you plebs.’ A flash memory of Kate popped into my head. Please make sure you don’t forget to enjoy your life, okay? A long sigh escaped. ‘I guess the grass is always greener on the other side.’”

After winning the competition, Nate realizes that having money like he always dreamed of isn’t as fulfilling as he expected it to be, as he has traded an important personal connection in order to achieve his financial goals. Although being labeled a “skid” isn’t nice, he now knows that believing himself to be worthy of the pejorative label is even worse. His life is full of things and people that make him rich in other ways, but it is only upon gaining the money he thought he wanted that he realizes it to be an empty achievement without the presence of the people who matter most in life.