The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind

Following the trend of offering dichotomies in the structure of the brain, Siegel and Bryson explain the dichotomy within the function of memory: “The memory that enables you to change your baby without knowing that you are remembering is called implicit memory. Your ability to recall learning to change a diaper (or to recall any other specific moment) is explicit memory” (71). Making memories explicit, like activating the left brain or developing the upstairs brain, is a skill that takes guidance and practice from adults. Generally, when a child has an unreasoned or intense fear following a traumatic event, it is the result of an implicit memory that hasn’t been made sufficiently explicit. To develop explicit memory, the authors recommend narrating past events and connecting emotions to the images and experiences in those events.

The brain is divided into two hemispheres, the left and the right, connected by the corpus callosum. Siegel and Bryson explain the functions of each: “[T]he left brain is logical, linguistic, and literal, the right brain is emotional, nonverbal, experiential, and autobiographical” (16). They explain that the left brain takes longer to develop than the right brain, and so children are more likely to be overcome by their emotions because the communication between the hemispheres has to be developed over time. They argue that, just as with chaos and rigidity, the goal is always to use both sides of the brain in harmony—i.e., to temper emotion with logic, and to enhance left- brained thinking with creativity and experience.

Siegel wrote another book focusing entirely on his concept of mindsight: “[T]he simplest meaning of the word comes down to two things: understanding our own mind as well as understanding the mind of another” (93). Internal mindsight is the act of examining interior feelings, self-images, thoughts, and memories to be able to create a full image of one’s self. External mindsight allows people to think and behave empathetically by asking questions about the motivations, desires, feelings, and needs of others.

Underlying all the primary strategies and the fundamental argument of the book is the concept of neuroplasticity: “[T]he brain itself is plastic, or changing, based on what we experience, and what we give our attention to. And these new neural connections […] in turn alter the way we respond to and interact with our world” (99). Since the brain is always changing in response to experiences, parents can directly impact their child’s brain structure. Therefore, an awareness and knowledge of brain function and brain response allows parents to help their children thrive long-term.

In defining mental health, Siegel and Bryson offer an image of a river, “your river of well-being” (11). On one bank is “chaos, where you feel out of control” (11) and the other is “rigidity, where there’s too much control” (11). The goal is to keep the mind in the center of the river, where the person feels calm and in control, but is flexible enough to recognize opportunities and solve problems. Any type of dis-integration can lead to veering too far to one side or the other, so these terms help remind readers to strive for integration and balance.

All of the strategies and explanations in the book are designed to teach parents to use “survive” (vii) moments in parenting to create an environment in which both parent and child can “thrive” (vii). Siegel and Bryson use the more colloquial meaning of survive in this context—moments when just getting through the day feels like a struggle, or when a child is “flipping [their] lid” (43) in a public situation. Instead of resisting those moments or trying to ignore them, Siegel and Bryson advise seeing those survive moments as opportunities to teach children how to thrive long-term.